Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is my gift to your gina
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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