I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
