I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
