i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
