I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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