We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
