I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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