just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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