Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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