I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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