If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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