I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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