you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
