What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
