Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
