after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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