I wish life had little blips of pornography
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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