youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
