the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
