They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
