my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
