remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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