We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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