Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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