Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
