I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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