I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
