Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
