Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
