i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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