Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
