omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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