Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
