NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
