He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
