how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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