How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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