Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
