Will you blow on my dice?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
