he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
