When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
