if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
