he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
