Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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