We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
