You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
