Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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