I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
