I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
