i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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